~VampireFoxDemon~
I'm really fucking done. I'm not sure if I can do this anymore. I'm so fucking done. I just want to die. Metalic-Blaze... I fucking love you... but why do you do this to me? Am I just that girl you play around with while you try to get the one you actually love? First I find you flirting with XChick now I'm hearing that you are actually in love with Karl-Savvy? If you didn't actually love me... Then you should have just told me instead of getting me all... getting me all rambunctious for you. You know I love you too... Stop. Messing. With. My. Head. I really want us to be ok... I really want us to work again... but I don't think it will if you keep doing this to me. So please... Just pick someone already... Pick someone. Who is it going to be? Me, XChick, or Karl-Savvy? I'm about done... I either want to kill myself... or kill off my competition...
~VampireFoxDemon~
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I can't do this anymore... I've fallen in love with way too many guys, and can't get over them. I've made my life complete shit and as I was getting help from the best person who could ever help me with anything. She dies. R.I.P. Eriyn... As to the guys... I dunno if I can go on. I dunno if I can continue to accept your gifts even though they make me awkward anyway... I dunno if I can go on loving you without hurting myself and knowing that I am also hurting you.
Metalic-Blaze Oshamaru TheForgottenDoll Roy TheHunterElite 6EQUJ5 I am so sorry for everything I have done to hurt you... At all... Oshamaru... I know you could care less because of my Depression and Suicidal Tendencies because that is exactly the reason why you broke off our friendship... but I am REALLY sorry. Roy... I love you and you know that... but I just can't see you get hurt by me anymore because I know you want to be with me forever... and I know I can't get that to happen. I'm sorry. 6EQUJ5... Nated... I'm closer to you then most of my friends... You know my life story and I know yours. Straight from the heart, and when we got friend married, I knew I was falling for you faster then I could control myself... That is why I wanted to just be friend... because I knew that if I had that TINY advantage I would have ruined my wonderful relationship with Metalic-Blaze at the time. I'm sorry. TheHunterElite... You are really awesome in your own ways, and I know you are super caring. I want you to know that I can't always be there to listen to your problems about your past and help you with whatever you need... I know I may seem like the most perfect person to do that... but I just cant. I'm sorry. TheForgottenDoll... We met like... 2-3 weeks ago, and I already know you are one, crazily amazing dude. I love that, I love how you treat me like a little princess like I've always wanted. I love the way you make me feel. I love the way we connect... but I'm not sure If I can do anything anymore. I feel broken for no reason. At all... I'm sorry. Metalic-Blaze... I love you so much it's NOT even fucking funny. I love you more then the world. You mean THAT much to me... and ... I know you love me like that too, you just don't show it around others, you treat me like shit around other but will text me nice things when with them for no reason, and somehow I love that the most. You are seriously I believe is my missing link, but you don't wanna go out again until we are physically together, and it is very reasonable but still hurts more then anything. I just hope it's ok... I'll always be here waiting for you... I'm just not sure if I can do it mentally anymore... I'm sorry. Here is my apology for all of you. I'm sorry I wasted all of your time... ~VampireFoxDemon~ Today... I lost the only thin dear to me. I loved him so much, and I lost him. He broke it with me, and I am so hurt... I can't stop crying, I can't concentrate on anything. I really, really hate my life right now. It turns out, he only love me for my body...
I was used. I still love him though, and always will. I'm such a stupid bitch... ~VampireFoxDemon~ Oh my god. I'm such a worthless little cunt. I don't deserve to be here after what I had just done. I hurt him badly. I just want to die... maybe I'll go back to cutting... but that will hurt him more because he taught me that cutting wasn't the answer, and that i should never do it. He taught me so many meaningful things... He was the one for me. I love him so much, this hurts so much. I feel like I should just die... I still love him so much, that it hurts to see him leave me, or even to think about him leaving me. I'm starting to not be able to see my keyboard... I better stop here before I ruin my laptop with my tears.
~VampireFoxDemon~ My day was ok in the morning and afternoon... it was making it's way to great... Until I got a certain text message... saying that he is cheating and to stay away from him... I got pretty confused... and a lot of angry. I texted, and texted and texted back... but I didn't get one back. So I decided that messaging that other person would be a good idea... yeah it wasn't... they are kind of dumb... :/ and it's seriously upsetting me. Like oh my fuck.
He doesn't want to text me for a few weeks, because of all the stress and drama... I mean... I can understand that.. but I wish he would text me.. I love him too much for him to just stop. I hope he comes to his senses and starts texting me again. This is causing me to be super depressed again... and I'm thinking about IT. Yes. That's right. Suicide But I'm sure I'll be fine... Him and I made a promise... and I want to keep it. ~VampireFoxDemon~ I believe it's been getting worse and worse by each minute that passes. It hurts me mentally and physically, and I'm not sure how to end this. I just get so depressed sometimes... I just pretend with all my might to be happy, but really. It's never true... I don't think any of it will be. I started cutting again... my thighs... I don't show anyone there anyway... and when I do, I make sure I put enough make up to cover the cuts pretty good. I just don't understand. I have everything that would make me happy. I have great friends... I have a wonderful boyfriend... I even have the little things. I just get so depressed at the most. I don't understand why it wanted to trigger now. I used to get it a lot when I was the small alone kid in the beginning of maybe around grade 5ish, maybe the middle of it. It went away and then it came back for the most part. I've been getting it everyday now. Like it's part of me, which.. I'm pretty sure it is anyway, since, it never actually left me. It's causing my insomnia and a whole crap load of other things to come back. For the most part I've been doing pretty good with my friends, then something that happened long ago decided to come up, and the one who I thought was there for me no matter what, decided to try and get ME of all PEOPLE to change my view on the situation. I've told her a bunch of times I didn't want to change my insights because I've made up my mind and I have a huge thing against that person, and because of that, this person "Can't" be friends of me for "That Reason" It's so dumb. I lost yet another friend because of what fucking problem! Like what the actual FUCK! It's absolute bullshit...
I just wanted to get these things out, the top part was the most part. ~VampireFoxDemon Ok... I say this a lot.. but I seriously i can't be happy anymore. just found out the worst news ever. I seriously feel like this is going to be the end... I really like this guy, and my best friend knows... and I saw how they interacting when they got to know each other... and it kind of pissed me off, but I decided to approach her. I told her "Hey... I think he likes you" and she kind of flipped out, didn't believe me and responded with "No. He doesn't." then walked off and went on with her day. That happened quite awhile ago... but it came back to haunt me. She texted me... like just before i started writing this and told me that he told her he likes her, and that she likes him too... this is a big problem for me... because he is my biggest crush. It's hurting me super bad... and I'm afraid I don't want to be her friend anymore. She is seriously hurting me... like almost everyday. I just can't do it anymore...
~VampireFoxDemon~ I really wish I could talk to my friends, like a normal person... but I can't. I wish I could go back in time, and never pull what I pulled. I feel guilty, stupid and just the works... This is awful. I hate this, angsty teenage side of me. I wish I could go back to normal, where I didn't have to worry about this kind of stuff. I feel like my world is spinning out of control. I feel like I shou
I'm officially done... I can't believe I did that... why? Why the fuck did I succumb and did that? Why? Can anyone tell me why I decided to not think and tell him? I HOPE THEY FORGET!!!! I HOPE THEY FORGET SO WE CAN GO BACK TO BEING NORMAL! BACK TO WHAT WE WERE BEFORE!! I already know my life is going back to terrible... ever since this. They never replied to me... and why would they? I'm just a fuck up... a fuck up that always has this happen. I feel like doing it again. I feel like opening the scars and just sitting there while they get infected as I get hurt even more. The Vampire everyone once knew is officially gone.
~VampireFoxDemon~ I'm a 15 year old girl, in denial about who she really is. I'm a psychopathic liar, and lost reality on who she really is. I'm a writer and I have multiple personalities living inside me, even if I might say I don't... that is just one of them. I'm suicidal, crazy and is suffering from a major case of Depression. The doctor's don't know what else they can do to help me. I have a eating disorder and I am only a tiny bit overweight, but suffer from a really bad case of self esteem issues as well. I am broke, damaged beyond repair and taped together.
~VampireFoxDemon |